Dealing With Doubt

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough? Cause I do at times.

Sometimes when I read the works of other writers, I tend to compare myself to them, and never in a good way. It’s always “they use bigger words than I do” or “their flow sounds better than mine” or other thoughts along those lines. While I think these may be a common thought among certain creative types, it’s still tough to deal with.

If it just ended at those thoughts in the moment, it likely wouldn’t be a huge deal. Those thoughts tend to permeate my being and lead to me having mild forms of writer’s block, however. Because I feel as though my words aren’t good enough or don’t hold enough weight, I won’t feel like writing. If I feel like I can’t craft a long piece that weaves many threads, I start to think “what’s the point?”

I know that I’m a good writer or else I wouldn’t be in the position that I’m at now as an esports editor.

I just feel like I’m not good enough at times.

I know that many of my favorite writers have been writing professionally for years and they didn’t become great writers without practice.

I just feel like sometimes I’ll never be that good.

These are thoughts that have been bouncing around my head for the last week or so, and while I had managed to keep up with my goal of writing something in this space every day, it was becoming harder and harder to do so. That’s why I ended up missing my first day in two weeks yesterday.

I started writing something last night, but just couldn’t bring myself to finish it because it felt like my brain was moving in slow motion.

Then I read an article this morning that lifted some of the weight off my shoulders.

It felt like the article had been written just for me, as it was talking about discovering the only wrong way to write. The author concluded that the only wrong way to write was to not write at all. What a concept, right?

Those words came at just the right time with the creeping doubt that had been hovering over me the last few days. There’s one sentence in there that basically hit the nail on the head.

If you don’t think your words have value, and so you don’t even get them on the page in the first place, how can you connect with your readers?

Well damn. That’s it right there. It’s something that while I knew was true deep down, I couldn’t bring myself to own up to it and get out of this funk. Seeing it in that article was like a shock to the system, though.

Who cares if I don’t think it’s good enough? Who cares if a piece isn’t anything over a four minute read here on Medium? Chances are there’s someone out there who will appreciate the words I write no matter how many fancy words I use or how long it is. If I want to be like some of my favorites writers, the only way to get there is to get out of my head and onto the paper.

While I may lose sight of that thought at some point, I simply have to think about that sentence and it will snap me out of it.

Time to keep on pushing on.